Welcome 2015 Poolsters

READY....SET.....GUESS

Welcome back Poolsters to yet another year of futility, bad decisions, and misery !

The Commish spent the off season searching the globe for new rubes; from the Gathering of the Juggalos, to nudist colony AA meetings, Haitian blood banks, to your neighborhood Goodwill donation dumpsters in order to find the finest in new suckas for our illustrious pool. And surprisingly several people said yes and will join us in this season’s march of mediocrity - so please begin your slow clap and welcome the following 26 nincompoops to our circus   

Ivan Calhoun is president of the "Oregon Ducks Small Penis Support Group" And he's always looking for new members - get it ! 

Dave Chapman's love of the Michigan Wolverines 

is only surpassed by his love for elaborate balloon animals.

Paul Lage has soft velvety skin just ask him.

Andy Spellman enjoys rubbing lotion on strangers feet on the bus.

John Boyd is the proud owner of the largest "Real Doll" collection in North America.

Brad Marker when he's not yelling at his kid at the ice rink enjoys macrame in the nude.

Ladmo Fromelius is in the process of a series of operations that will transform him into a dead on look a like of Caitlyn Jenner but with a rainbow afro.

Riley's 2nd birthday party

Riley Watters aka Commish Jr, my 12 year old son joins the fun this season, so try and keep the trash talk PG you degenerates. They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree so Ri-man should end the season about 73 games below 500 ! 

Steve Milo is currently employed as Donald Trump's wig stylist.

Matt Withey is a fan of the "Fighting Harbaugh's" and like coach Jim spends most evenings yelling at his cats to "put in 110% or get off my field."

Robert Ragland is the son of pool member Dave Ragland. Not only is he teaching his son gambling he also bought him a beer bong for his birthday.

Rob McCasey is currently passed out in a supermarket parking lot coated with Cheetos dust.

Paul Roberts enjoys dressing like Gandolf the Wizard and sitting in the ball pit at Chuckee Cheeze.

Weasel Larson, who for reasons known only to his psychiatrist, goes by the screen name "Toilet". If you'd like to meet him in person he can be found most nights in the bushes at the highway rest stop just outside Laramie, Wyoming. 

Derek Schorsch enjoys riding the escalator in a tuxedo until being asked by mall security to leave the premises.

Brett Bargey is a devoted member of his local Jazzercise franchise - in fact Brett and the girls are going for Margs Friday night if you want to join them - 
They are sooo naughty !

David Smith is an alumni of the "University" of Northern Colorado which means the most common words out of his mouth are "Welcome to Arby's may I take your order please?"

Chris Morales is yet another offspring joining our pool. He's the son of Todd "Ozzie" Nelson and you can find the 2 of them most afternoons at the Alaska Bush Company throwing pennies at the girls on stage.

Pat McCauley once lost an IQ test to the entire staff of his nearest Wafflehouse.

John Lakotas has set up a puppet theater behind the 7-11 in his neighborhood. He's calling the show "An Exploration of Erotic Puppetry set to the music of REO Speedwagon". Can't wait !

CC King is BB King's fatter and smellier 4th cousin with zero musical skills or charisma.

Jon Durrance as of this writing has restraining orders on him from Adrian Barbeau, Salman Rushdie, and the Golden Retriever from the Air Bud movies.











Also the late ads of John Campbell, Jennifer Mayberry, Jim Pereira, Garrett Rader, and Daniel Wood join the pool. I was not able to get any info about them because they are all now currently on top of a radio tower waiting for Xenu and the mothership to bring them back to their home planet.

YOU vs the POOL

ENTRY FEE

Once again the entry fee is a measly $50 so right this second grab your checkbook and write that check and send it to:

Kevin "the Commish" Watters

1 Columbine Lane Littleton CO, 80123

And because there's nothing the Commish hates more than paying bill collector for the few deadbeats we have each season I'm setting a hard deadline of week 2 to get your entry fee in - that date is Saturday September 12th. No entry fee by then and you are OUT - NO EXCEPTIONS !!!

PAYOUTS

Here's how the payouts will work out. We will divide the total entry fees as follows - once we take out the pool hosting fee the weekly winner will receive $100 (if there is a tie for 1st the winners will split the $100) The remaining money will be paid out at the end of the season:

1st place……35% 

2nd place……25% 

3rd place……20% 

4th place……12%  

Last place……8% - along with the prestigious Pewter Jack Ass Trophy. (You cannot miss a week of picks and still receive this honored prize) 

The PJA

Also seen below are 9 tips for enjoying your college football season more.

And remember side bets, trash talk (which can be found on the main pool page under the "Standings" Tab) and abuse of fellow poolsters is highly encouraged and any of you with thin skin need to grow a pair ASAP. And if you have any question about the pool or just need a shoulder to cry on please contact Jerry "The Tomato Clown" Siegel 24/7 at jerry-siegel@comcast.net 

PAC12 Plus Pool World Headquarters

Finally I will do my best to set the games and weekly lines by sometime Monday afternoon each week but with my busy schedule of napping and reviewing local strip joints in the Thrifty Nickel that might not always be possible, so please be patient with your Commish.

And finally if any of you think your commish is enriching himself with this silly pool you are sadly mistaken and don't let the Commish's new car fool you otherwise !

As always - Good Luck Suckas

The Commish

MET BO BEBOS ! 

Our Patron Saint

PUNT TUCSON PUNT