Week 9 Recap

COMMISH NOTES: 

We are now well past the half way point in our glorious pool and over the last several weeks the Commish has been keeping some very interesting stats on you poolsters. If you're wondering how I compiled these stats, pretty much what you might expect, the Commish dug thru your garbage, bugged your house, and scoured your internet browser history (gross btw)

There have been 123,455 re-picks - that is a poolster made their pick and went back and changed the pick 1 minute before kick off - number of times that re-pick was correct - ZERO

Here are the top 3 phrases used by you poolsters and the # of times that phrase has been used so far this season.

"You F*ckers F*cking suck you miserable F*cks" - 1.7 million times
"SON OF A WHORE !!!" 2.6 million times (322,387 by the Commish alone)
"SUCK IT CLEMSON" 23.4 million times

Number of beer bottles thrown thru flat screen TV's - 823

Gallons of grain alcohol consumed - 17,223 (Ray Scott alone accounts for 11,223 gallons)

Percentage of poolsters that declared they are quitting the God Damn pool - 100%

Number of Rose Bowl appearances by Nogales Tech - ZERO

Not even worth mentioning anymore !

WEEKLY WINNER:

Mark Murrietta continues his poolwide dominance and tallied his second weekly win for the year with an impressive 17 wins. Mark plans to use his $100 in weekly winnings and open a series of back shaving kiosks in "Little Armenia". He's currently looking for employees to man these guaranteed money makers, so send Mark your resume c/o the Greater Phoenix Mental Health Coalition.

WEEKLY LOSER:

Ultimate loser Dave Hostettler has lost an other week with a pitiful display with just 5 wins. This is Dave's 2nd over all loss on the year - he told the commish he plans to stay in his basement pillow fort until the rest of us poolsters play fair and let him win a week.

OVER ALL LEADER AND LUNKHEAD:

Mark Murrietta and Bill Fulton are now tied for 1st place over all and will continue to reign over us mere mortals until Zeus, Buddha, and Jesus command them to destroy the world !

Clayton Oldham is sinking faster than Louie Anderson holding an anvil and remains in dead last. His lameness knows no bounds and quite frankly the Commish is ashamed to even type out his name on a weekly basis but by law I must point out the flaws of all participating poolsters. My apologies.

After the Commish is done tending to my chinchillas I will post the games for week 10.

Good Luck Suckas - the Commish

Punt Tucson Punt

Week 8 Recap

COMMISH NOTES:

What's the over/under on how many beer bongs this Michigan fan had at  the tailgate ?  

I'm gonna say 11.

F U Clemson I see you're back to your old ways - a pool ban may be in your future again if you don't watch it !

Not a particularly good week for the Top 10 this weekend. I think the only reason Oregon won was their adorable pink unis !

And way to take care of business ASU against the 20th ranked Huskies...look out Wazzou here come the Devils !

WEEKLY WINNER:

Curtis Bova is this week's winner with an impressive 15 correct guesses. When Curtis isn't modeling for GQ or putting on a clinic at the hockey rink he's impressing the ladies with his mad college game picking skills. Bova plans to take his $100 in weekly winnings and purchase the "Sexy Policeman" outfit for Halloween.

WEEKLY LOSER:

We have 2 miserable examples of humanity this week in Orlando Colamatteo and Mike Griffin who each managed just 5 correct guesses. 

Orlando, who the Commish has never met, but I'm pretty sure by looking at his last name invented everyone's favorite shellfish based beverage - CLAMATO -  so I have him to blame for my last bender in Ensenada where I woke up in a pile of said Clamato and bacon wrapped hot dogs.

Mike Griffin is no stranger to being a loser in fact he backed Iraq in both Gulf Wars, bet on the Bills 4 times, and at this moment is wearing a Cubs hat and Jacksonville Jaguars jersey, plus he prefers to travel via Greyhound bus lines. 

OVER ALL LEADER AND LUNKHEAD:

Craig Edmonston and Bill Fulton are our new pool leaders with 94 impressive wins. Craig is an Oregon Ducks fan so the Commish will be placing sanctions on Craig at season's end much like the NCAA will be on his beloved Quackers. And Fulton who's hatred for the pool knew no bounds before the season started and was the very last entry in this year's pool promises to donate all his winnings, if he stays on top, to his local Emu Rescue Society.





And no big surprise here with Ernie Slaughter and Clayton Oldham at the bottom of the pack with 70 pathetic wins so far. It'll be interesting to see which of these 2 dunderheads has the staying power for 6 more weeks of loserdom to come out on top and hoist the highly coveted Pewter Jack Ass trophy at the conclusion of this magnificent bastard of a pool !

Look for week 9 games to be posted once the Commish is done observing Ramadan.

Good Luck Suckas - the Commish

WEEK 7 RECAP

COMMISH NOTES: It was a pretty miserable week over all in the pool with only 39 of the 134 poolsters managing to top .500 for the week, I think all of our true prognosticating talents are finally showing themselves.

Hey CU fans, you still thinking the PAC 12 is a powder puff conference ?

You'll be getting a big dose of this every time you visit Tempe....

Possible name change in the works in Boulder ?

And did you catch Tucson Tech's offensive innovation at their loss to USC last Thursday....the dreaded and much feared PUNT FLAG...Rich Rod you're a genius !

And don't forget fellow Sun Devils this week's big match up against the Mutts from Seattle.

WEEKLY WINNER: We had a 2 way tie for 1st this week between Tricky Dick Kiburz and Mark Murrietta who each squeaked in 13 wins - if there are 2 less deserving poolsters I sure can't think of them. 

If you're looking for Kiburz you'll find him outside some random Tucson truck stop sporting a pony tail and wearing a "Mustache Rides 5 cents" tank top selling various types of possum and ostrich jerky out of the trunk of his 1973 Pacer. 

The last time I saw Mark he was wearing a 12 pack box on his head outside Cowboy's Stadium threatening every Notre Dame coed who passed by with something he called "SUN DEVIL TICKLE TORTURE" - he is currently in Dallas County jail if you'd like to visit him.









WEEKLY LOSER: 

Pete Thrasher managed to tally just 5 wins this week. Not surprised in the least at his poor performance after all he's committed all his time, energy, and money into stalking Fabio on a full time basis.









OVER ALL LEADER AND LUNKHEAD: 

Shockingly Tony Poleo still is our over all leader with 85 wins, I would say he's cheating some how but he's not that smart, after all he went to Nebraska AND Nogales Tech. 












The dumbest guy in the pool at this time is now Clayton Oldham who sits in dead last with just 67 wins. As a Jayhawk 
wallowing in the muck of loserdom is nothing new. But cheer up 
Clayton your fellow poolsters chipped in and have paid to have
KU head coach Charlie Weis come over and give you a sponge bath !

Good Luck Suckas - the Commish

FIGHT ON OKRA FIGHT ON !

WEEK 6 RECAP

COMMISH NOTES: Yet another unsuccessful ASU football road trip for the Commish. This weekend I was in Dallas to watch the Devils lose yet one more big game on the road and this time to make matters worse it was to the hated Irish.

Happy ND fan Tom Meinert

The last road win for the Commish was the 1953 Salad Bowl

I spent most of Sunday calculating my win loss record since graduation and I came up with a stellar 2 wins 18 losses - FML

Needless to say all ASU alumni and football booster groups have asked the Commish to stop attending ASU football games forthwith. Sun Devil faithful your prayers are answered.

Perhaps if coach Graham wasn't rocking so hard to Slayer on the sidelines maybe the Devils could actually close a game !

Nice to see that former Tucson head coach Dick Tomey has landed the most prestigious job in sports broadcasting working with the guy with the biggest head in the western hemisphere !
WEEKLY WINNER:

Bob Cook miraculously netted17 correct picks this week and brings home $100 big bucks. Bob plans to hit the next Comic-Con in his area and try and corner the market on Pokemon cards, he told me "once the chicks see my Squirtle and Bulbasaur cards I'm for for sure gonna lose my virginity."

WEEKLY LOSER:

It's really no surprise Raymundo Scott came in dead last this weekend with a miserable 6 correct guesses - what is surprising is that it took this enormous dunderhead 6 weeks of the pool to do it. If fellow poolsters knew the absolutely Herculean amount of Natty Lights and Jello shots Ray pours into his body every week its amazing Ray can even turn on the computer. The Commish predicts many more last place finishes this season for the "Pride of Aloha Skate Town."

OVER ALL LEADER AND LUNKHEAD: And in the spirit of "Do You Believe in Miracles" Tony Poleo remains in first place with 73 big wins. With his busy schedule of rehearsals with the "Big Red Alumni Glee Club" and his duties as president of the "Phoenix Area Richard Simmons Fan Club" it's a wonder he has time to make his weekly picks at all.  

And in no real surprise at all Ernie Slaughter now sits alone in last place with just  47 correct guesses. I did a little investigating on Ernie's status because after all he did win the pool a couple times in years past. Well it turns out his pet turtle "Mr Greenie", who had been making all his picks in past season's, passed away this last year leaving poor Slaughter Dog with no football guidance at all thus his miserable performance. Might be time for a new turtle pal !

I'll let ya all know when week 6 games are posted - I promise it'll be before Thanksgiving.

Good Luck Suckas - the Commish